time for coffee talk.
On a beach trip with our best friends (10th year in a row in the same spot together), we made a cheers over dinner and I raised a glass to my friends and said “you may be too much for people, but those aren’t your people. Thanks for being my people”. These friends rip you open to all of your truths and give you zero judgment for what they find. How can we be so comfortable being ourselves with some but not others?
I just hit my one-year of blogging. Do I care what others think? – OH WAY TOO MUCH! Is my goal to care way less? – ABSOLUTELY.
You cannot be everything to everyone. You cannot be everyone’s cup of tea. Blogging has made that so apparent and enlightening but oh so freeing to be unashamed of being me and connecting with others.
I think I wanted to write this in case anyone else was struggling with the same thing- Hear me out.
I am being INSANELY hard on myself being a mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend. Not only is it very hard to take my kids out into the world alone because there are so many of them, but we are in the middle of a pandemic, and summer, and so many weird things- do I give myself grace…NO! I over think everything I do, say, don’t do and don’t say. To be honest, it is driving me nuts.
At this point, I often wonder if I’m too much for some people– Too loud, too outspoken, too much information, too many emotions on my sleeve, too many tears (too many kids-lol)
To some, I could be too quiet. Shy. Off putting, maybe even stuck up.
To some I’m just a mom. Someone who needs to get it together. I’m disheveled – a hot mess. I make lists only to forget them on my kitchen counter.
To others I’m too driven, too organized; by the book. A control freak, too structured. A type A planner – ex teacher living on her color coded schedule.
Do you see a trend here? I’m always going to be too much for some and not enough for others, when in reality I’m both. I’m equal parts loud and quiet. I’m career driven and I drive the train of the hot mess express as a mama. I may think I am not enough for my kids that day when I am absolutely enough.
If it isn’t enough that we judge OURSELVES– As women we worry so much about what other people think or what we think they might be thinking. We create judgments in our own heads. We hear undertone where it’s not even meant to exist. (Gosh am I guilty of this over and over again). We over-analyze text messages. We see glances and whispers and assume they must be directed at us of course.
We waste so much of our time worrying about what other people’s opinions of us are. We try so hard to bend ourselves fifty different ways to fit a mold in hopes of somehow satisfying everyone else, only to leave ourselves feeling empty.
But, why? For what?
Is it approval for them, approval for ourselves? A boost of confidence in the wrong direction?
Sis, we are far beyond needing someone else’s approval. Even me typing this, I know that is easier said than done.
But please rest in this —This is YOUR journey.
If you want to work, work.
If you want to be a stay at home mom, do it.
If you laugh too loudly or people don’t get your sense of humor, who cares.
If you want to breastfeed your baby in the middle of Disney World, be prideful.
If you are quiet and people think you are stuck up, that’s their loss, babe.
Stop apologizing. Stop worrying about what other people think. I know. I know. Heaven forbid we offend someone … GASP. I just felt the need to say it out loud because I find myself going on A LOT of apology tours lately. For what? Being me?
Obviously, if you have done something to truly hurt someone, by all means own it. Apologize. Do the right thing, but stop apologizing for things that are your choice.
Stop doubting your own decisions.
Stop looking over your shoulder.
Stop trying to please everyone else.
Because, people? Well, people are always going to have an opinion. I’m just at the point in my life where I can finally say – LET THEM and I think you are, too.
Let’s kiss that goodbye. What a release it can be if we let it go.
People aren’t always going to agree with you, in fact, some people aren’t going to like you for no other reason than because they can. Is it fair? No. But it’s OK. Don’t be afraid to go against the tide; to do your own thing without question or hesitation.
Do the thing that sets your soul on fire, regardless of what others think.
Be who you were made to be, not who others want you to be.
Because you’re never going to be everyone’s cup of tea, just like I’m not.
But, those people? They are not your people.
Being yourself is the most beautiful thing you can be.