Surrendering to Uncertainty

Hi GALS! It’s been a while hasn’t it?

This blog was always an important little public journal of mine, sharing how I was navigating having a toddler and twins and all the NEW while getting a bonus of connecting with YOU.  I loved writing through each challenge and what I had learned along the way- hopefully helping just one mama not feel alone.  The best is hearing how your story relates. I loved listening to the Lord each new and bold chapter. I took a little break from writing simply because life settled in, got way easier and manageable and I felt like I didn’t have a lot to write about since I didn’t have the chaos of baby twins and toddler anymore. I just told myself I would write if God put something on my heart.

Well, God heard I was comfortable and said “Hold my wine- lets shake things up.”  After almost 5 years of being out of the newborn stage, we are surprisingly welcoming our 4th beautiful baby girl to our sorority this December. I find myself jotting down again because I started this blog to tell my truth and while welcoming this sweet blessing- I have learned A LOT of truths. In welcoming this news, it has been difficult, and beautiful, scary, but beautiful, confusing, but beautiful, overwhelming but nevertheless, BEAUTIFUL. It was really really hard for me to digest because I wasn’t in control. I really got in my own way from accepting ANY type of joy in a blessing that was being handed directly to me. Have you ever gotten in the way of your own happiness? If I struggled to surrender to the “unknown and uncertainty” of life, I’m assuming I am not the only one. I was having difficulty walking into the “hard” and surrendering any type of uncertainty.

THE GUILT .  Oh do I realize and acknowledge how people have difficulty and loss in conceiving. This will ache me and never be lost on me. As I feel this beautiful life moving inside my belly — I have guilt in EVER having any negative feelings at the beginning. I am human- but I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that in processing new and uncertain feelings wrapped in SUCH a blessing, I shut down for a while. I was negative, I mean really negative. I was living in my TROLL era.  I selfishly felt like my life was over and I was backed into a corner giving all that was left of me when I was just finding myself again after becoming a mom of 3. I feel extremely guilty about going through those feelings. One thing I always tell others is — At the end of the day your feelings are always valid and sometimes you have to feel your feels in order to move on. It was time to listen to myself.  As long as you don’t live in the negative and overwhelm –you can move into positive with strength. I did move on and did not STAY there – and many realizations were made in this beautiful gift.

I stopped writing because I felt like anything I had to say became boring because I was out of the chaotic twins and a toddler baby phase. What God really wanted me to know is that there is still so much waiting for me ahead. I still had SO much to learn and share. Some of my best days are still ahead. I haven’t yet met everything that is meant for me and I haven’t encountered all the joy, love and fulfillment that is on its way.

So for you — whatever you are going through–I know it may be hard to see now, but you are going to meet people who will enter your life and feel like they’ve been there the whole time. You are going to experience miracles and synchronicities that make it feel like there is really something more out there in this world. You will feel like maybe you’re not alone and like maybe life isn’t against you. It is all working in your favor in ways that you can’t always see –and you are going to feel it ALL. You are going to feel rushes of exhilaration, heart pounding elation, peaceful silence, love that feels too big and great to be boxed in or contained– like something this beautiful shouldn’t actually exist.

THERE IS SO MUCH COMING-  It’s not going to miss you. You just have to be PRESENT to be here to see when you’re in it and not when it’s long passed you by. Life is INSANELY too short to not absorb this.

You have to pull out bravery and be open, honest and willing.

Just let it in.

The hard things lead to the good things. The seasons of life that test your strength, the situations that feel uncomfortable, and the decisions that require courage, are the very things that will lead you to true fulfillment.

If you are willing to walk through the “hard” and surrender uncertainty, you will eventually experience all of the beauty that awaits you on the other side of it. So stop running away from the hard things, because hard things build the foundation for the good things to GROW.

Life is beautiful + I am so happy to be on this journey God has planned for me.

Thanks for reading again – I have missed you!