That Time The World Shut Down: 2020

A worldwide pandemic. WHAT?

Stores and restaurants closed. Sports games and concerts cancelled. All non-essential workers asked to stay home.

And, just like that, life changed.

What a weird feeling to not feel like the only stay at home mom in the world. I was home like the rest of the world.

As a result, I could feel the collective energy of worry, fear, anxiety and panic.

we had a choice–

we could either shut down with the world OR —

we could show up bolder and bigger than ever.

I tried choosing the latter but it has not been easy.

My word for the year was “thrive” – how might I do that?


When you are a planner, rely on expectations and love a good sticky note, “unexpected” can be scary and create anxiety. Especially when you are a twin mom – schedules are life. I am comfortable planning but I also trust in God fiercely, which prepares me and brings calm for the uncertain. This pandemic has taught me to be a little more patient and flexible.

In this season, this experience, I truly believe that God boldly wants us to follow and trust him deeper than we ever have before. I believe he wants us to see the beauty but in a bold and magnified way. He does not want us to rely on our own strength, ever – but especially not in this season. He wants us to throw our hands up and surrender fully because the uncertain is solidified through Him.

Even with the events of the world, you still have a life, and you get to choose how you show up in it. How are you going to show up? Are you going to have faith?

I say this because it is important as we slowly phase into a “new normal” version of life. I will probably add the transition back to life in the journal I wrote for the girls to document what we did, how we felt, and how we came out strong.

Just because the world seems to have shut down doesn’t mean we have to. Even me saying that to you, it is still hard for me to execute even knowing that things are re-opening.

I am emotional right now but I am trying to lean into learning how to expand when I want to contract. Expanding on my faith because I am not in control.

I am trying to discover how to stay focused despite the circumstances.

If you are like me, you are feeling all the things. The beautiful things that people in our community and around the world have displayed have been something I will never forget. Let’s try to bottle that up. People displayed incredible love, grace, kindness, and truly pulled together to get through each day. I felt for once all of us were on a level playing field. I pray that we keep that going somehow and that God’s grace and love keeps shining through in this situation as a society.

What you’re feeling is valid, this isn’t a time to just brush off our emotions. As much as I have to pray my fear away and give it to God, I have been welcoming any emotion that comes to me. This is something we’ve never experienced before. Check your emotions – be in tuned with all of them & take care of yourself.

Mamas, Dads, and everyone else reading this… I want you to know, that you’re doing an amazing job. I know you may think you’re not, but trust me, I am 99% sure that you are, and that you’re being hard on yourself. I have to remind myself this every single hour of the day. I am doing a good job.

If you’ve lost your sh%*t, trust me, I’ve been there. It is OK… we are only human. Our kids will continue to lose it too. Their schedules have been upended. They are stuck in four walls with US. They want 400 snacks a day and can gracefully throw themselves on the floor like their bones are melting if they don’t get all 400 of them.

But, we have to pause and put ourselves in their shoes… we would probably be losing it too. At least as adults we can eat whatever we want, shower whenever we want, watch whatever we want. We are always telling our kids what to do… When I stop to think about it, it truly is understandable that they lose it too. Their world has been flipped upside down and they do not even have the ability to process it.

God gives us GRACE!

It’s also understandable when we lose it, because DAMN it… how many times do I have to tell you to not pull your sister across the room like a rag doll. God gives us GRACE!

As, the world re-opens, my fear has RISEN! I am literally soaking myself in Joshua 1:9 and I just have so much fear and anxiety. I don’t know what I feel or how to protect my crew. Somehow, I feel spiritually deflated. I yearn to be back in society but PJs all day with my babies sounds all too safe to me. Deep down I know that GOD is the only one that can protect my family and His plans are greater than PJs.


How are we supposed to feel or react with re-opening of restaurants and businesses? Well, however we want to feel. FEEL IT! I think we are allowed to. Everyone will feel and process this differently and thats OKAY!

It’s OK to be great one day and be totally sad the next. Join me in my rollercoaster of emotions over here.

It is OK to not watch the news. (take the time to educate yourself & follow guidelines)

It is OK to CRY. (big crier over here)

It is OK to take a break from real life and get lost in playing with your kids.

It is OK to want to SCREAM. (just don’t scare your neighbors)

It is OK to CRY (saying it again because it needs repeating).

It’s OK to take time to do something that isn’t related to your kids and that is only for yourself. (I may or may not sit in the bath until my fingers look like I am 80 with a glass of wine.)

It’s OK to feel joy, even if for a moment.

It’s OK to feel overwhelmed at remote learning, and curse the person who thought that expecting kids to be online for a whole school day would be a good idea.

It’s OK to feel like you don’t know how to process your emotions, because, we have never been in a global pandemic before.

It’s OK to feel like you need a mental break.

It’s OK to want to seek professional help. 

It’s OK to want to laugh. (important, we need to laugh)

It’s OK to laugh when you cry OR cry when you laugh. (My favorite kind of cry)

It’s OK to feel helpless.


It IS NOT OK to lose faith & hope. Hope is our superpower. Faith is all that we have.

Remember that— HOPE coupled with ACTION will CHANGE OUR WORLD, let’s do it!

However you choose to handle the re-opening of the world– is okay.

But, I challenge you to show up bigger and better.

Let’s show God’s grace to whatever others choose to do as well.

Let’s learn from this and lean into the smaller things.

I am so thankful that we were forced to embrace the smaller things in life – I don’t want to let that go. I see this as a huge gift from God.

Keep the faith . Stay strong . Let’s use this as a stepping stone to be GREAT & thrive.

Sending you all a virtual hug & wishing you well in health.


  1. Marilyn S Horwath says

    Thanks for this! You hit home on so many levels (not the kids of course), as a matter of fact for me it’s missing my kids and grandkids. And although we weren’t able to physically go to church I have learned that praying and being part of a wonderful community can happen any where. Stay safe and give those girlies a big hug and kiss! Love ya!

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